At this point in my life, my business was going really well. Word was spreading about the Boutique and I was really excited! Business was good, my personal life was not.
I found myself hating the relationship I was in and wanting out. I was miserable and slowly becoming unmotivated and no longer feeling like myself. If you have been following along with the Mama Monday Series, you know by now that I have always been a motivated person. I set goals and don’t stop until I meet them.
I have always been very close with my family and friends. This was one thing I couldn’t talk about. I was embarrassed. I didn’t come from a family of divorce, I didn’t know anything about it. I couldn’t even say the word. I knew at this point, I was done. I needed to get out. I needed to be happy again, for myself but most importantly for Ellie.
Finding Out I Was Pregnant
It was around this time that I found out I was pregnant with Jace. As you can imagine, I was shocked. Feeling disappointment all over again. I couldn’t leave now, I felt stuck.
I tried really hard to make it work but ultimately decided being a single mama was the better route for me and for my kids. I chose to leave and went through the rest of Jace’s pregnancy alone. I moved in with my parents, and to this day, don’t know what I would do or what I would have done without them. They never judged, they never pushed me to do anything I didn’t want to. They supported me and helped me figure things out.
I wasn’t going to find out the gender of the baby, but I just knew it was a boy. I knew I was going to finally have my prince charming. At my 20 week ultrasound, I told the nurse it was a boy, and she confirmed that he was. I was so happy, but so nervous. I was so afraid I wouldn’t love him as much as I loved Ellie. I would cry ALL the time about this! (so silly now that I think about it) I gave Ellie a few boy name options, and she was the one who chose Jace to be his name.
I was so lucky to have two very easy pregnancies, my water broke both times. Jace was born on June 21st, 2014. When Ellie met him for the first time, I was so overcome with happiness and sadness all at the same time. I was nervous to raise them alone, but happy they would have each other.
Ironically, my best friend delivered her son on the EXACT same day! We spent the next few days right next to each other in the hospital. I am so thankful I had her through out this time. Having her there didn’t make me feel so alone. My mom stayed in the hospital with me, there were lots of tears, but so many memories I will never forget.
Just the Three of Us
Our first night home was a disaster! Ellie had the stomach bug. I will never forget holding back her hair while she was throwing up and nursing Jace at the same time. Single Mom life had hit real hard that night! How was I going to do this?
The next morning, when I finally got them both to sleep. I remember staring at them, the chaos turned to calmness, and I knew right then and there I would be okay. I could do this, I had to do this. I wanted to be a strong and happy Mom for them.
It was just the three of us, and I was okay with that. I actually never felt more complete. I brought Jace to the store for the first six months of his life. He had a little corner all set up for him! He was my boutique buddy. We were making it work any way we could.
I never cared what anyone thought, all that mattered to me and all that still matters to me is doing what’s best for Ellie and Jace. They are so loved, by so many, we are so lucky.
When Jace was about 3 months old, Matt came into my life. Just like everything else that had happened over the years, he came into our lives unexpectedly, right when I needed him, without even knowing I did.
In case you missed it:
- Part 4: Opening the Boutique
- Part 3: Becoming a Mama: Ellie Nicole
- Part 2: College, Internships, Starting My Business
- Part 1: The Beginning: Why Fashion?